Phubbing: Phones at the Dinner Table

Phubbing, a blend of “phone” and “snubbing”, means ignoring the person in front of you to look at your phone. It’s the glance at a notification mid-sentence, the scroll during dinner, the “just checking something” that turns into five minutes. Almost everyone does it, and almost everyone dislikes it when it’s done to them. The fix is less about willpower and more about simple shared rules, like keeping phones off the table at meals.

Where the word came from

The term was coined in Australia in 2012 as part of a campaign with the Macquarie Dictionary, and it spread quickly because it named something everyone recognised. It’s now a subject of real research, particularly among couples, friends and families.

Why phubbing stings

• It signals priority. Looking at a phone mid-conversation says, whether we mean it or not, that something else matters more.
• It breaks the flow. Conversations lose depth when they’re interrupted every few minutes.
• It’s contagious. When one person picks up a phone, others often follow, and the table goes quiet.

What research suggests

Studies on phubbing are mostly surveys and small experiments, so they show links rather than proof of cause. But the findings point the same way:

• Couples: people who feel their partner often phubs them tend to report more conflict and lower relationship satisfaction.
• Conversations: some experiments have found that even having a phone visible on the table, unused, can make a conversation feel less close.
• Families: researchers have linked frequent parental phone interruptions, sometimes called “technoference”, with more frustration and attention-seeking behaviour from children.
• Friends: being phubbed can leave people feeling excluded and less inclined to open up.

Are you a phubber? A quick check

Several “often” answers suggest it’s worth changing. Our phone addiction self-check looks at wider habits.

House rules that work

1. No phones at meals. The simplest, most effective rule for families and couples.
2. A basket by the door or a charging spot in the hallway for evenings.
3. Phones face down and on silent when you’re out with friends, or better, in a bag.
4. Agreed exceptions: waiting for an important call, a child’s message, a work emergency. Say so upfront.
5. Announce the check: “I just need to reply to Mum, back in a sec” makes it a choice rather than a snub.
6. Bedrooms stay phone-free for couples who want more time together; see our guide to a phone-free bedroom.

For families, writing rules down in a family tech agreement helps everyone, adults included, stick to them.

Make it easier on yourself

• Turn off non-urgent notifications so fewer things pull at you; see taming notifications.
• Use a focus mode at dinner or in the evening that only lets family and close friends through; see setting up focus modes.
• Keep the phone out of sight. Out of sight really is out of mind for many people.
• Replace the urge. Ask a question, refill someone’s glass, or simply notice the pause.

Try a phone stack

When you eat out with friends, try the phone stack: everyone puts their phone face down in a pile in the middle of the table. The first person to reach for theirs pays a small forfeit, such as buying dessert or doing the washing-up. It turns a rule into a game, and it’s surprisingly effective.

When you’re the one being phubbed

• Use “I” statements: “I feel like I’m talking to myself when you’re on your phone.”
• Suggest a shared rule rather than a rule just for them.
• Pick a calm moment, not in the middle of an irritated dinner.
• Notice what’s behind it. Heavy phone use can be a sign of stress, loneliness or work pressure worth talking about.

Phubbing at work

Checking phones during meetings or one-to-ones sends the same signal to colleagues. Leave phones face down or in a bag, close laptops during conversations and batch messages between meetings; our guide to stopping phone checking at work has more ideas.

Children notice

Kids learn phone habits from the adults around them. Putting your phone away when they’re talking to you, and explaining when you do need to check it, models the behaviour you’d like to see when they get phones of their own. If you’re worried about a teenager’s habits, see teens and social media: warning signs.

Frequently asked questions

What does phubbing mean?

It’s a mix of “phone” and “snubbing”: ignoring the person you’re with to look at your phone.

Is phubbing bad for relationships?

Research has linked frequent phubbing with more conflict and lower relationship satisfaction. It isn’t the only factor, but it’s one of the easiest to change.

How do I get my partner to stop phubbing?

Talk about how it makes you feel at a calm moment, and suggest shared rules such as phone-free meals and bedrooms, so it isn’t just about them.